im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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