ya dads aren't the best wingmen
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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