I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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