Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
