i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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