I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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