Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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