even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize