i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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