Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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