haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
