she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
