I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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