dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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