i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
