hotel room ftw
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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