im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
