I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
