hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
