i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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