i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
