first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
