Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
