I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
