kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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