I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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