Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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