Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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