i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
