I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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