My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
