And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
