Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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