Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
