I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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