Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
