Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
