I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
