My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
