Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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