no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
