Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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