I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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