Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
