I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
