I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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