By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
These tits shall not be calmed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
