You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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