I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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