She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
