There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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