i just google imaged poop.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
