I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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