yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
