I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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