Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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