did you get engaged???
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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