In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
