I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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