it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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