The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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