There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
