I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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