guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize