i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't deserve a penis
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
